22:30 I am in bed, but I still have to brush my teeth. I walk to the sink half asleep. I watch myself in the mirror, I look very tired. Will I take a sleeping pill tonight? I decide not to. Hopefully the sleep gods are with me tonight.

22:40 Finally, I am nice and warm in my bed. I set my alarm, because the next day I have to go to college. I turn off the light and close my eyes.

23:15 I am just turning around to find the right sleeping position, but I do not succeed. I pick up my phone and put some music on it. I listen to the lyrics of quiet ballads.

00:10 Slowly but surely I do not hear the lyrics and the music anymore. I press pause, put my phone away and turn around. Finally I am falling asleep.

2:30 I feel that my deep sleep slowly turns into a light sleep. I wake up and look at the clock. Oh my god, why am I awake? I still have four more hours to sleep… If only I had taken that sleeping pill!

2:42 I put my hands on my stomach and close my eyes. I inhale quietly and slowly exhale. I do this until I get into a daze again and can resume my sleep.

4:10 I wake up after a dream. It was not a nightmare, but rather a very realistic dream. I have to orient myself for a moment and I wonder if my dream is a sign of a sad event. What if it has already happened?! My heart starts to beat faster. I try to breathe quietly so my heartbeat goes down.

4:45 Will I take that sleeping pill anyway? I decide not to do it, worried that I will sleep through my alarm clock if I do.

4:50 – 6:00 A short period of light sleep follows. I am fully aware that I am lying in bed with my eyes closed. But I do not fall asleep. Meanwhile, my thoughts go back and forth. I must not forget to email my boss. What day is it today? What will I do today? What shall I wear today? A dress or just a pair of jeans with a sweater? And so it goes on until I get mad. Where is that button!

6:10 I finally fall asleep again, but the sleep is short-lived because in twenty minutes the alarm goes off.

6:30 I wake up with the sound of my alarm clock. I press stop, and turn around again.

6:55 I wake up again. I have to get up NOW, otherwise I will be late! Shall I just not go to college? I can also study the subject myself.

7:10 I get out of bed and go to the shower.

When I come home I immediately go back to my bed.

When you feel you can not sleep – Fix you by Coldplay

Share this post! If this post was insightful for you, share it with your loved ones so that they can better understand what you are going through.
Deel dit artikel! Als dit artikel voor jou inzichtelijk was, deel het dan met je omgeving - laten we het samen hebben over mentale gezondheid.

Ghyta

By telling others about my own experiences, I hope to support people that deal with mental disorders in their own process. I find it important that mental illnesses are recognised as real diseases, even though they might not be visible to the eye.

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