Has it ever occurred to you that the Marie Kondo method, asking yourself the question “does this make me happy” – is applicable to more things than just material goods? It is also a useful tool when it comes to ending friendships.
Friendship versus romantic relationship
There is a chance that you have people in your inner circle with whom you once were good friends, but now don’t really have click with anymore. When the spark gradually disappears in a romantic relationship, you and your partner grow apart. This usually results in a break-up. Friendships often don’t end with a break up. The bond continues even though the friendship is not as strong as before. Before you know it you are dealing with a handful of friendships that add little or even no value to your life.
What do you find important in a friendship?
Think about what you really want and expect from your friends. Do you want a friend with whom you can party every weekend? Somebody who listen to your stories? Someone who works in the same field as you? Or has the same interests? In an ideal situation your friends possess all these qualities and more.
In practice, it is often different from the ideal world. We must not forget that our friends are also just human beings. For example, someone can be very emotionally dependent. Or naive, which makes you tired of constantly giving advice to your friends if they don’t listen to you but then still complain and whine when their life is not going well. The more time you spend with that person or people, the more energy it costs and the harder it is to be the best version of yourself.
Quality over quantity
Which friends make you happy and bring out the best of you? These friendships are worth it. For the rest, if they bring the worst out of you or you notice that these friendships cost too much energy, you’d better end the friendship. This sounds radical but in the long run you and your friend will benefit from it.
How do you end a friendship?
Start by slowly stop seeing each other and experience how it feels and works out. It could be that your friend is thinking the same way about the situation. Maybe he or she will notice that the friendship is not as it used to be. However, your friend can also ask you questions about the situation. Explain why you have the feeling that this friendship isn’t working anymore. Thank him or her for the great times you had together and explain why this is the end for you. It is important that you take your time to explain your side of the story. Do not just ghost your friend. Even though you do not owe the person a friendship, you do need to give them answers and an honest explanation.
Does it spark you joy?
Remember that it is all about your needs. If you feel it is time to let that friendship go, let it go.