Everybody has irritations towards their partner sometimes. You feel misunderstood, you do not get enough attention or you become insecure. How do you deal with that and what should and should not you do?

Dealing with problems in a relationship

During every relationship situations occur that should be talked about. Love is hard sometimes, but if problems get solved, the relationship will grow stronger: You both know where you stand and you can continue with full confidence.

What is important, is filtering the stuff that should or should not be expressed. Because not everything is worth expressing. Does the fork has to be on the left or on the right in the dishwasher? Does one of you always forget the turn back the cap on the toothpaste? Does someone leave the toilet door open after using it? This can be annoying, but is it worth fighting over?

Other subjects like insecurities and spending time together are more important. However, they are a lot harder to bring up, how do I go about it?

The mistake that is easily made

Let me start with what not to do. Raising your voice and bringing in non important issues. Throwing words to your partner that he or she does not deserve, is not the right way to express your feelings. Also, bottling it up would not do any good. You say things more harsh  than you meant to and probably also not in the way you had in mind.

What should you do? My tips:

  • Think before you talk. Write it down if necessary. Leave other subjects out and stay with the things you want to express.
  • Watch your tone. Do not get aggressive and do not yell. This will make the situation worse.
  • Explain what hurts. Discuss how you feel about it and why you do not like it. You want to have a good time together, not cause any painful moments.
  • Your conflict is something between you and your partner, nobody else should be involved. Talk about it together and do not complain to your neighbours or family. There is no need for that.
  • Only apologize when you mean it. Otherwise it does not have value.
  • Sometimes you should just stop fighting and end the discussion. Know when to stop and continue enjoying each other.

Unfortunately, I made the wrong decision in expressing something that hurt me. I directly realized that this was not the right way to solve it. I find it very hard to talk about what bothers me and kept it inside for too long. I kept thinking about how to tell him for three days, and thought I could tell him peacefully, up until the moment I actually told him.

I lost control and directly regretted it. But I am 100 percent certain that he is the man for my future. So, this is something I have to work on. I will use my own blog to get better at it!

The song of this week is his favorite (and secretly mine too): Nickelback, If today was your last day.

Love, Renée x

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Expert in PTSD, burnout, personality disorders and eating disorder. Even if I only help one person by sharing my story, I am happy!

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