It’s December. That means 2018 is almost over. When this blog post is online, there are only 20 days left from 2018. Personally, I think that 2018 flew by. Which is a good thing, but also a pity. I met new people, worked hard, cried a lot, but I also laughed. It was an exciting year. Time for some reflection!
2018 was a year in which I met new people. Each of these people taught me something. From one I have learned to see life as rain and sunshine. There is sun behind every dark cloud, you can always rely on that. I have learned from others that the length of a friendship does not necessarily equal the quality of the friendship. If it feels right, it feels right. No matter how long you know each other. I have also learned to have trust in the opposite sex. He taught me that men also have another side; a supportive and non-judgmental side. Each and every one of these people got a place in my heart.
2018 was not really my year. It was another year in which I suffered from depression and PTSD. Some days were fine, but also a lot of days were hard. In one way or another, I always managed to get myself out of it. Otherwise it would not have been possible for me to write this blog post right now! My mental health problems will not suddenly disappear, but I really hope that in 2019 I’m able to let go of my demons. Another setback was not getting my diploma this year. I really wanted to close this chapter. It was difficult to accept this, but in the end you can do nothing but accept and go on.
2018 was also a year of self-development, despite all the setbacks. I have learned that I have to put myself first, instead of other people or studying. If I don’t work, the rest will not work either. It is difficult to do this, since I often want to do everything at once. However, every now and then I’m able to give myself a dose of self love. This is something I will continue to work on in 2019. In addition, I have learned to give a little less. In certain friendships for example. If I give too much and get just little in return, it will cost me too much energy. In a friendship or in any other relationship, it’s a matter of giving and taking. Otherwise the relationship is not in balance. This led me to disconnect with a good friend. This was very difficult at first, but after a while it felt like the right choice. In 2019 I hope to develop myself a bit more.
2019 is a year in which I have a lot of time to work on myself and on my depression and PTSD. It’s scary. But I should not run away from it. It is time to trust myself, to trust that I can handle the fight. I am no longer that girl from the past who always pushed all of her emotions away because she could not handle it at that moment. Now I am the grown-up Ghyta who is, with some help, strong enough to face the demons of the past.
Quote with this story: I’m in repair, I’m not together but I am getting there – John Mayer (in repair)