I am endlessly scrolling through my Instagram feed. Occasionally I like a post and scroll further. Until I see this text:

I loved you
In all the ways
I hoped to
Love myself
– Kate Awen

I am thinking about the words I just read. She’s right.

Looking for the one

I sometimes hear stories about women who are not feeling well, who have low self-esteem or who are depressed, and who desperately look for the “one” to make themselves feel better. They think that a man or woman can solve their problems. They think that if they are in a relationship, happiness will come naturally. But we all know it doesn’t work that way. You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself. You usually attract the wrong types if you are looking for a relationship. And that relationship can cause even more trouble. But if your mind is clouded, you are going to settle for that. You are going to settle as long as you are not alone.

Do you love yourself?

I am not an expert in the field of relationships. I actually have fear of commitment to be honest. But what I am an expert in is giving attention to yourself in difficult times. If you are depressed, you already have enough on your mind. How do you want to make someone else happy if you are not? That costs so much energy. It is better to first learn to live and be alone with yourself so that you can experience what you need. Of course that is super difficult in the beginning and perhaps uncomfortable. But if you have mastered this, you will take better care of yourself. And by taking better care of yourself and feeling what you need, you can also do this in a healthy way in a relationship.

Breaking patterns

It is difficult to break patterns. If you are used to being in a relationship all the time because you feel bad, this is not something you can change overnight. It is a way of coping and you will have to change your coping system. A healthy coping system. Examples of healthy coping can be: writing, calling someone and talking about it, walking, exercising (not too extreme) or drawing. It is a matter of trying out and feeling what suits you. It will sometimes happen that you choose a relationship instead of another coping system. This is normal because learning is done by trial and error. As long as you keep in mind that you are doing this for a good cause. You are doing it for you.



Share this post! If this post was insightful for you, share it with your loved ones so that they can better understand what you are going through.
Deel dit artikel! Als dit artikel voor jou inzichtelijk was, deel het dan met je omgeving - laten we het samen hebben over mentale gezondheid.


By telling others about my own experiences, I hope to support people that deal with mental disorders in their own process. I find it important that mental illnesses are recognised as real diseases, even though they might not be visible to the eye.

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