There will be moments that you are not sure about your relationship. Having doubts is normal, and often these doubts will disappear. But sometimes the doubts remain and you are stuck with mixed feelings. You experience complicated feelings towards your partner. These feelings can get you really confused: sometimes you love your partner and you never want to lose him/her, and sometimes you experience feelings of hatred or anger towards your partner. This can be a complicated process and it often leads to fatigue. Below are a few tips to deal with your mixed feelings.
It’s easy to just ignore the problem and to pretend like your mixed feelings don’t exist. By doing this, the problem will continue to exist and the problem only gets bigger. The best way to deal with the situation is to tell your partner about your feelings. Announce that you want to tell something important that has been on your mind lately. Try to be as honest as you can. Find a quiet place where you can have the conversation without being disturbed.
Stick to yourself
The way you communicate is also very important. People often project their own feelings to another person and this way the conversation could go wrong: there could be a discussion or even a fight. When you communicate with your partner, it’s important that you use the I-perspective instead of the you-perspective. An example of this is ‘I experience that we have less time for each other’ instead of ‘Why don’t you have time for me?’
Every person benefits from having some time to themselves. Taking time for yourself is very important. It’s good to figure out where your mixed feelings come from. When did they arise and was there a certain reason for them to arise? During this time you spend alone, it will get clear what really makes you happy in life. When you are surrounded by your partner all the time, it could be hard to listen to your own inner voice. Things that are helpful to do during this time for yourself is to write all your feelings down. If you prefer to be active, you can for example go for a walk.
Pros and cons
Take some time to write down the pros and cons of your relationship. What do you appreciate about the relationship with your partner and what do you appreciate less? What would happen if you end the relationship and what would happen if you continue the relationship? How would it be like if you have to live your life without her/him? Consider how you would feel in every situation.
Once you have gone through the above points, it’s up to you to make a decision. The decision you make is the one you feel most comfortable with.
Sometimes the struggle is what makes success even sweeter.