I am searching. Searching for you. I realize everyday that I need you to heal myself. You came up in my dreams already. First I saw you as a baby: I held you and you were so sweet. Then I saw you as a child, but your face did not show. Your body turned to me. Didn’t you want to be there? I don’t blame you. The world can be so unfair and harsh sometimes. You’re growing, and the older you become, the more you can express yourself. I feel that sometimes you want to scream and cry very loudly, but I will not allow it. I keep you trapped in my heart. And I’m so sorry. I really want to let you go, but it hurts so much. You deserve to be free and walk painless through life.

Feeling the old times

Every day I feel that you impose yourself on me. You cry for help, but I don’t listen. Yet you become stronger and sometimes I do have to listen to you. At those moments I feel the old times. The old times where I carry you as a child and ignore you as an adult. You are brave because you dare to feel the pain and express it. I, the so-called adult, feel smaller than you are at those moments. I am terrified, to be honest. Afraid of you and to start the confrontation. Yet, I think about you every day. The last days I convinced myself to let you in. I feel that I am almost ready. It will not be long before I allow you and accept you as you are now. I want you to grow, without having a difficult time. You deserve to go through life as a happy child, with me as an adult by your side. I will take care of you and embrace you if you need it. I will listen to you. Because it’s what you deserve.

My inner child

Sweet little child in me
You may bloom soon
The tears will flow
And I will be there for you

Sweet little child in me
You can talk later
About anything you want
And I will listen to you

Sweet little child in me
You may rave in the future
Let everything go
And I’m waiting for you

Sweet little child in me
I can’t wait
Until we can be one together

Sometimes I regret growing into adulthood, I miss the warm and feelings of safety on my way to adulthood – @versjesvanlethe

Love, Ghyta

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Ghyta

By telling others about my own experiences, I hope to support people that deal with mental disorders in their own process. I find it important that mental illnesses are recognised as real diseases, even though they might not be visible to the eye.

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