I am searching. Searching for you. I realize everyday that I need you to heal myself. You came up in my dreams already. First I saw you as a baby: I held you and you were so sweet. Then I saw you as a child, but your face did not show. Your body turned to me. Didn’t you want to be there? I don’t blame you. The world can be so unfair and harsh sometimes. You’re growing, and the older you become, the more you can express yourself. I feel that sometimes you want to scream and cry very loudly, but I will not allow it. I keep you trapped in my heart. And I’m so sorry. I really want to let you go, but it hurts so much. You deserve to be free and walk painless through life.

Feeling the old times

Every day I feel that you impose yourself on me. You cry for help, but I don’t listen. Yet you become stronger and sometimes I do have to listen to you. At those moments I feel the old times. The old times where I carry you as a child and ignore you as an adult. You are brave because you dare to feel the pain and express it. I, the so-called adult, feel smaller than you are at those moments. I am terrified, to be honest. Afraid of you and to start the confrontation. Yet, I think about you every day. The last days I convinced myself to let you in. I feel that I am almost ready. It will not be long before I allow you and accept you as you are now. I want you to grow, without having a difficult time. You deserve to go through life as a happy child, with me as an adult by your side. I will take care of you and embrace you if you need it. I will listen to you. Because it’s what you deserve.

My inner child

Sweet little child in me
You may bloom soon
The tears will flow
And I will be there for you

Sweet little child in me
You can talk later
About anything you want
And I will listen to you

Sweet little child in me
You may rave in the future
Let everything go
And I’m waiting for you

Sweet little child in me
I can’t wait
Until we can be one together

Sometimes I regret growing into adulthood, I miss the warm and feelings of safety on my way to adulthood – @versjesvanlethe

Love, Ghyta

Share this post! If this post was insightful for you, share it with your loved ones so that they can better understand what you are going through.
Deel dit artikel! Als dit artikel voor jou inzichtelijk was, deel het dan met je omgeving - laten we het samen hebben over mentale gezondheid.


By telling others about my own experiences, I hope to support people that deal with mental disorders in their own process. I find it important that mental illnesses are recognised as real diseases, even though they might not be visible to the eye.

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