It’s one year ago when I had still had my burnout. I was not allowed to work yet and I had to take my rest. But in September that suddenly changed. I started to go to school on Tuesdays and started to work on Thursday and Fridays.

The first weeks

They were heavy. Going to school again, a new job and still going to therapy. It was exhausting, so in my free time I just took my rest. It was really nice that I still had therapy and could discuss this. It also gave me the opportunity to ask questions and get some tips, because I was afraid to fall back in my old pattern.

A year later

Today it seems like I have a normal life again. I now work 4 days a week and I am going back to school in September. So it will be 5 days a week. Slowly but surely, people are forgetting how I was doing one year ago.

Is it a problem? No, definitely not. I understand it very well. From the outside it looks like I recovered completely. I work normal days again, school goes well, I’m going out again. So it makes sense that others believe that I’m doing great. But am I already there? No, not at all.

The days at work are long and I start to feel tired at the end of the working day. At those times I really have to make sure that I have something to do. The last day of my working week, the Saturday, is fortunately a short day. The store closes at 4 PM and I can go home.

But the fatigue is still clearly present. I can hardly watch a movie at home because I will fall asleep on the couch. And I get annoyed easily because I just don’t feel comfortable with myself. I still have my ups and downs.

“It’s easy to move mountains, it’s all relative. The mountain is in front of me, I turn around, and already the mountain is behind me. ” – Henri Bruning

The people close to me

They see me on the difficult days and we can talk about it. But to others I am a “normal” person again, with a busy life. Of course, that is nice, no longer having a stamp on your forehead. However, this also makes it more difficult to reschedule an appointment or to cancel a birthday party because I don’t feel well.

Fortunately I have a partner who supports me. Someone who calls me when I’m home late, just to check if I’m alright. Someone who cuddles me when I have a tough time. And our part-time cat, or lease cat as my love calls her, also gives me a lot of rest. She’s the neighbor’s cat, but she comes to me almost daily and hangs around. Because of her, I sometimes forget that I’m not completely fine yet, but she also reminds me to take some rest every now and then.

The song of this week is Hope from Twista. I am not religious but love to listen to this song. I put the song in a different light, because I’m definitely hopeful for today. I’m not there yet. But I will achieve so much! World, be careful, I’m coming at ya!

 

Love, Renée

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Renée

Expert in PTSD, burnout, personality disorders and eating disorder. Even if I only help one person by sharing my story, I am happy!

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