The monster called PTSD has a tight grip on me lately. I feel reared and want to run very fast to get the tension out of my body. My mind is in the past while my body is in the present. I am afraid of every little thing: a door that suddenly opens, a car that honks or an unexpected sound. I feel like I am constantly on guard and ready to flee. I experience PTSD in combination with depression as very tough. When both are present, it feels like an impossible fight against two big monsters. They only have to give me a little push, and I am down. That is what is happening at that moment. I feel completely disorganized and above all, I forget everything since my thoughts are somewhere else. I am more quiet than normal and do not feel like talking. I prefer to be alone and listen to music so that I do not have to face the past. Yet I know that I should not give in to those monsters. But actually doing that is something else. At these moments I should ask for help from the people around me, yet I do not do this. Do you recognize this?

Asking for help is difficult
Asking for help can be difficult if you are not used it. Sometimes I forget that I do not have to face things alone. Social support is so important when you are having a hard time. I wonder why I find it so difficult to ask for help from people around me when I am in a bad place. Is it because I am ashamed? Am I ashamed of having two mental disorders? This is partly true. I want to be open about it, but at the same time I am ashamed to talk about it. Do I not ask for help because I do not want to burden people? Yes. This is completely true. I prefer to solve my problems myself instead of talking to someone about it. But, deep down in my heart, I want to tell my story when it gets too much to handle. I faced this problem recently. There was a moment when I had to ask for help. After worrying about it a lot, I finally did it and it felt very good. I did not have to face my feelings alone anymore. I also noticed that the other person did not mind it at all. She really liked to know what is going on inside me. Together we discussed how she could help me and what I like and what I do not like. In this way, asking for help felt natural!

What I want to say is: asking for help in difficult times is OK! You are not alone. There are plenty of people who want to help you, in whatever way. Often you know very well who you are and whom can help you. It is good to have a safety net with a few people that you can call / app / mail, etc. for when you can not handle it alone anymore. You are only human. And unfortunately, we do not have super powers to make the difficulties disappear. So ask for help! You do not have to do this alone.

I do not feel very much like Pooh today,” said Pooh. “There, there,” Piglet said. “I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do. – from Winnie the Pooh from A.A. Milne

Love,

Ghyta

 

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Ghyta

By telling others about my own experiences, I hope to support people that deal with mental disorders in their own process. I find it important that mental illnesses are recognised as real diseases, even though they might not be visible to the eye.

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