I felt it for a while already. An imbalance in my atmosphere. Warm feelings of re-settling in the Netherlands, my friends and the lovely summer weather, collided with the cold insecure feelings of starting over. Nature solves this imbalance with a storm. I do too.
Back in the Netherlands
I knew, it had to happen sooner or later. It had to come out. The tension and insecurity, that were slumbering inside of me. That they are present, is logical. My atmosphere here, after three years of traveling, is everything but stable. On my travels I have taken my time to really think about how I want to live and work, and why, but the road to that goal is insecure and unpredictable. I am looking for a job, a place to live, and just my place in the Netherlands again. Those are huge things and take time. And because these are huge things, this journey is a little scary too. It concerns your life, your foundation. You have to believe in yourself and your goal.
A big challenge for me. Insecurity often unleashes negative feelings about myself and life. When I feel good I don’t want to address these feelings, but the less I pay attention to them, the bigger these feelings get. Just like nature, my mind wants to get back to balance. And, slowly but surely, the wind will built up from high to low pressure areas. How strong that wind becomes, and in that respect how big the storm will get, depends on how much I let the pressure difference built.
My pressure difference, unfortunately, was very high last week. For too long (months) tension slumbered in. I didn’t give positive attention to it, didn’t take care of it. And then, a trigger, followed by the worst storm since long. Hell.
Now, in the calm after de storm, it is more peaceful and thus time to clean and reflect. The wind died down and we can assess the damage. Give yourself that time. You cannot live in a storm scarred house, rebuilt it and make it stronger.
Often pressure differences built around certain recurring themes in our lives. They can originate from things we experienced or things we need in life. How we deal with pressure is also important. Do we internalize or externalize things that happen to us?
Focus on you
Ask yourself, what gives you stress? Or, if you went through a storm, big or small, what caused it? What was at the foundation of that storm? Take your time to figure this out. When you know, you can try to adjust your behavior and/or life to prevent storms from growing into larger storms or to form at all. The bigger the underlying issue, the more time you need to figure things out. For me, one of my biggest underlying themes is security. I often feel insecure and unsafe, because I attack myself. And in this respect, I am overly wary of attacks of others on me. Attacks that state that I am not good enough, nice enough or capable. Afraid I won’t succeed in this life. Now that I am starting over in the Netherlands, this insecurity and unsafety has a lot of breeding ground to grow. And that’s totally valid, because these are big things! You have to believe in yourself, and be forgiving and kind, to start over.
You do not always have to know where things originate from to help yourself. You can also pay attention to signals; expressions of stress and imbalance. React to those signals, to not let the pressure built any further. For example, when you notice you are rushing everything. You can obligate yourself to 10 minutes (or more 😉 ) of relaxing. Do something you like or do nothing. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you need it. After that the world can turn again.
Nature is built this way
Nature is built in a way that she will always try to establish balance, over and over. We are too. So, keep in mind, that when you are out of balance, there, inevitably, will be a counter reaction to balance. We can often influence this process, more or less. Or not. Anyhow, nobody is without storm. This is our nature.