How often do you talk about how you feel? Daily? Rarely? Everybody does this differently: Some people are huge talkers, others find it more difficult to talk about their feelings. Usually it takes some courage to communicate with someone about how you feel. You expose yourself and that is not easy!

Why do people talk about their feelings
Sometimes it is hard to know what you feel yourself, let alone that you can sense what someone else is feeling. We could try to read their mind, but it is likely that we are plain wrong. In every relationship, if it is with a good friend, a family member, or a partner, it is important that you know what the other person is experiencing, feeling and thinking. And how do you find this out…? You might have guessed it already: by talking!

What’s in it for you?
By talking you can find out what the other person thinks and feels, and he/she finds out what you are thinking and feeling. In this way, you will both find out what you need from each other, causing to receive more support and understanding from each other. This leads to a better relationship. When you find it difficult to talk about your feelings, it is of value to work on your communication skills by practice.

Tips
To practice with expressing your feelings, here are a couple of tips:

  1. Discover your feelings: When you find it difficult to express your feelings, it is likely that you are not very sure about what you feel exactly. Writing down your feelings is a clever way to learn more about your feelings. Try to write down what you feel or what you’re dealing with. In this way you will learn, in peace and time, to put your feelings into words. This will probably lead to an easier expression of your feelings to someone else.
  2. Work on your self confidence: Not only a strong bond between two people is important for expressing your feelings. Having confidence in yourself is also important. With more self confidence you are less scared to expose yourself or to get hurt. Our article about self confidence might be interesting for you, check this link.
  3. Talk to someone that you really trust: Is there someone in your surroundings that you deeply trust, with whom you feel completely safe? Try talking to this person, for example that you find it hard to talk about your feelings. In this way you can practice with exposing yourself.
  4. Use the “I-message”: When you talk about feelings, try using the “I-message” rather than the “you-message”. In this way you can talk about your own feelings, without the chance of hurting the other person. For example: “I feel…” instead of “You make me feel…”.   

Do not expect that these tips will allow you to fully open yourself up to other people. It is a process that you have to work on each day, but eventually your work will pay off. Have some faith, create some courage!

“I´d love to skip over the hard stuff, but it just doesn´t work.
We don´t change, we don´t grow, and we don´t move forward without the work.
If we really want to live a joyful, connected and meaningful life,
we must talk about things that get in the way.” – Brené Brown

NiceDay app

Plan a moment to talk with someone you trust. Describe in the app how you feel daily, take your time! Then you automatically become better at expressing your feelings.

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Ilya de Groot

Hi, my name is Ilya, I am a psychologist and coach at NiceDay. I love traveling, good food, new experiences and exercising (roller skating and skiing). The balance between effort and relaxation is important to keep, are you managing? I would like to help you with that!

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