While I look outside and watch the sun go down, I think about this week. It was a difficult week or actually the last few weeks were very difficult. As I wrote in a blog earlier, I stopped taking antidepressants. It was my own choice because I no longer wanted to take them and because I no longer needed it. At least I thought so, because in the past few weeks I doubt whether I need that pill to get through the week without, among other things, a lot of crying. Or do I have to get the serotonin from somewhere else?

Everything comes in

Everything is noticeable without antidepressants, without the chemical blanket. Really everything. It does not do any harm at first, but if feeling turns into suffering, then action must be taken.That action can be: taking antidepressants again or getting “natural” serotonin from somewhere else. The first option is very tempting, but on the other hand I don’t want to start anymore. Not because I’m ashamed to take medication, but I still feel a lot of resistance. Option two remains: extracting “natural” serotonin from somewhere.

Option two: serotonin

Serotonin is a substance that is made in your brain, so you actually already possess it. Only the substance is not present in the right amount if you suffer from depression. This makes you feel gloomy. But there are ways to naturally increase your serotonin.

One way can be sports. For example, if you start running for half an hour, your brain will produce serotonin that will make you feel better. It’s just not that it is solved by that. You should run more often to notice the effect. Of course it doesn’t have to be a run, another sport is also possible. I had the plan to start running again and to go boxing. I did the latter no less than once, but since I actually felt no difference in my mood, I gave up.

Now that I am writing this I think, why Ghyta? You are not normally a quitter. But I was overpowered by depression. Depression can cause you to give up and the heavier it is, the harder it is to fight it.

So I came up with another way to make natural serotonin: socializing. There is enough for me to socialize because I just moved and started a master. And I have to say it works well. As a result, I forget what is going on in my head and the associated gloom.

It also helps to eat together with friends. That way I eat healthily, I don’t skip meals and I forget how I feel. The good thing is that I don’t necessarily have to talk about how bad I actually feel. Instead, I can talk about more light-hearted topics.

In good and bad times

But when the fun comes to an end and my friends leave, the depression blanket falls over me again. My worst pitfall is not asking for the support I need. It happens to me again and again. I know that I can come to them not only for good things, but also for the moments when things are going badly. At such a moment I ask myself, why don’t you do that? And so far I have no answer. Maybe I should just do it once, and then experience what it is like so that I know they are really there and take me seriously. But yes, easier said than done? In short, the top of the mountain is not yet in sight. There are still a lot of obstacles that I have to face before I can place the flag of victory.

Love,
Ghyta

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Ghyta

By telling others about my own experiences, I hope to support people that deal with mental disorders in their own process. I find it important that mental illnesses are recognised as real diseases, even though they might not be visible to the eye.

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