It all started well: relatively few complaints, enjoying the pregnant feeling, shopping for the baby and of course relaxing! But there, the thunderbolt in a clear sky: the feeling after the birth. My little girl came into the world through caesarean section, I was very upset about this beforehand. And when she was finally placed on my chest I felt … nothing. No joy, no emotions, while my dear husband stood beside us in tears. Later, in the room, I suddenly realized: I am responsible for this little person. And after the compulsory rest days in the hospital, we could finally go home. Wonderful: finally my own bed and nice maternity help. I wanted to enjoy it, but I didn’t enjoy it at home either.
I shouldn’t feel this way
There was day 7 of the maternity week, I was talking to my husband and suddenly I could hardly say a word anymore. Apart from yes and no, nothing came out. Before I knew it there was an ambulance at the door. After having done all kinds of tests we had to go to the hospital. Just got home and now I had to go back to hospital … After all sorts of examinations and conversations, the redeeming word: it was a neurological short circuit, as they described it so beautifully.
The day my daughter was allowed to go outside for the first time was the day she had to pick up her care depended mother from the hospital. This made me very sad. I felt that I wasn’t taking care of her well enough. Unfortunately, the days that followed did not go better either. I didn’t feel like doing anything, had a lot of negative thoughts, became more and more anxious, suffered from dizziness, didn’t want to be alone and certainly not go outside. Slowly but surely, I lost myself. I no longer recognized myself. That enthusiastic woman, who loved being with people and doing many things, was now crying at home. Again it felt like I couldn’t take care of my baby, I didn’t do anything good for my feeling. After a few weeks the conclusion came: “this is not good. I shouldn’t feel this way. “
To the doctor for a referral
After consulting my husband, I decided to call the doctor for an appointment. It was a difficult conversation, I had to say out loud that I felt something was wrong, that I didn’t feel like a good mother. After some very confronting questions and a lot of tears I got my referral to the psychologist.
I was very happy that they were going to call me for an appointment. Because I don’t know if I had dared it at that time, I had such a hard time calling the doctor, calling the psychologist was an other step. Shortly thereafter I received a call and my first appointment was quickly planned. I step inside the building and take a seat in the waiting room. After some waiting, I am picked up from the waiting room and uncomfortably I walk behind the lady to her office, I take a seat and we start: can you tell me what your complaints are? Tears jump in my eyes directly. I found it hard to say that I feel a pathetic heap and worse: a bad mother. Before this I was a strong woman. She reassures me and it soon became clear that I had a postnatal depression. I immediately thought: “this can’t be true, what have I done wrong?” Fortunately, it soon became clear to me that this is something that happens to you and is definitely not something that you cause yourself.
How do I continue from here?
“You can treated here, but the waiting list is currently at 8 months.” What do I have to do in the meantime, I think. And before I can finish my thoughts, I get a proposal. She asks if I am interested in a digital treatment. Everything was already so scary, I only wanted to agree if I could remain on the regular waiting list if I decided to join the digital treatment. Fortunately that was possible! I would receive an email with additional information so that I could read a bit about how it works. The mail arrived the next day and I thought it was okay. After a week I scheduled my first digital appointment: I’m going to work via NiceDay.