Yoga. Why didn’t I start this practice sooner?

I can’t blame myself that I did not, because I wasn’t ready for it. Too confronting, because yoga teaches us to be conscious. Being conscious about your body and mind. And that was just something I tried to avoid. Because if you keep going your mental garbage will not come to the surface. And I bet that I am not the only one who lives or lived like this. It’s a bit of a Western disease. Working hard, staying busy, running around and a lot of stimuli everywhere. But where does that bring us? Right, in disbalance. Disbalance that will take its toll eventually.

Yin en Yang

Movement is Yang. We practice a lot of Yang. Yang is good and is allowed to be present. But, we use it, and get exposed to it, way too much. Being busy is seen as successful. And we also abuse being busy to not address, for example, our pain or fear.
Yin is peace. Yin and Yang belong together. They should be in balance. Unfortunately, by being busy all the time, we became a little scared of Yin. Scared of the feeling it can evoke, like for example, boredom, guilt and pain that is present but not given any attention before now. But the more you will pay attention to Yin, the more you will notice other feelings. Feelings like peace, joy about giving care to your body and mind, relaxation and happiness.

Crying during class

Now that I started practicing Pilates and Yoga more and more, you can sometimes catch me crying during or after class. Usually it’s from feeling happy. Happy I cared for myself. In peace and relaxation. I consciously felt my body and that is the nicest thing. It is so important to align body and mind every once in a while. To let thoughts float by and just feel. To be okay with everything that is.
Another reason I sometimes cry is because in this way I notice that I, way too often, lose myself. That I don’t do what I actually feel or want. I double-cross myself too often, when I do not like myself or when I think I am not able or worthy enough. In these moments I quit before I actually start. I flee for things and situations. In taking time for yourself, you also notice these things.

Yin Yoga

Yin Yoga teaches you to feel and to let go. To go along with what is. Even when it’s uncomfortable. In class you try to maintain a certain position for a longer period of time. A position that can hurt, because you are stretching certain muscles quite a bit. The position is often uncomfortable and it will stay that way in the first stage. And that’s when your head tries to mingle in. You want to quit. You will think you can’t do it, and that it is not normal to feel this uncomfortable. When you start to fight the feeling your body gives you, you will lose. When you remain calm and let things be, something will change. And that’s where Yin starts. Breathe. Know that you are okay. Believe in yourself and in the healing process.
Then, suddenly, far away, you hear a voice: “You can slowly come back to sitting position”. Already? I felt wonderful and at peace. And there you go! You did it! You stopped fighting, you let go.

Something that can help me

I really feel that I have found something that can help me. I want to practice this, I want to do this. Because wouldn’t it be nice if I can better help myself through an emotional crisis. That I can get through it with more peace, because I believe that this uncomfortable state will pass. Letting go of the fight, because I believe in the healing process, in balance. That I will be okay with what is, till peace is restored. Till there is once again space for Yang.

X Bouwke

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NiceDay Writer. Organizational and work psychologist. I love nature, traveling and photography. I like to move and exercise, especially tennis, pilates / yoga and walking. With my story I am committed to more openness about mental health and I want to reduce stigmas around these topics. You can find me on Instagram: I am one Movement and backpackingbouwke and on Twitter: @iambouwke

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